Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
