Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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