Sponge bath it is.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
