also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is my gift to your gina
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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