Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
