and you said cock pushups were impossible
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
