the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
