It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
