the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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