My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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