i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
