so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
