Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
