YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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