Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just pee around me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
