She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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