I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
