Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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