In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
