What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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