yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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