chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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