That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
