Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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