I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
