In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
