He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
