Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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