just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Congratulations! We have a period
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