i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
zippers are such a cool invention
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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