i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
