Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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