she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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