I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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