belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
babies were throwing up all over the place
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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