I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
