I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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