i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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