Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
