I showed him my bush... on skype.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
