I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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