i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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