I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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