I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we're making bets on your personal life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
