i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
