he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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