Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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