mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
