I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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