Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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