all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
