Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
